I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
