Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
