and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
