I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
