ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
