I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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