You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
