Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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