i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
