I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm bleeding and have questions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
