The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i've created a new STD.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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