If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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