i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
