i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My pussy is not your playground.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
