I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
