she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
