I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
