if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
