well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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