Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
