the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
