So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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