i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
