no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
