Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
