I seem to have left my pride at pride
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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