I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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