My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
