If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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