You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
