My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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