Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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