At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
