I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
