the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
