Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cat gives me a boner
i will never coherently bang her
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
