i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
