So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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