I'm going to jail i love you
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
