i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
