We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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