I think I died a long time ago.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
