you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
