I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
