Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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