when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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