The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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