So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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