Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
