i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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