pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
