Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
