Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
