giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
