It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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