I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
